I’m not gunna beat around the bush with this one. After reading this you may have a different opinion on me, or you may feel the same. But that’s fine. I guess that’s why I’m writing this today.
Do you ever just want to dig deep into your lungs and scream from the roof tops literally anything just to get your frustration out? Unfortunately I don’t have easy access to a roof at this moment in time so tip tapping on a keyboard until my fingers ache will have to do.
To be honest I’m just sick and tired of hiding away and not speaking up about it. I kick myself really because that’s why I created my blog, to open up about how I feel and talk about my life – but I guess this certain chunk of my life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, it’s negative and exhausting, and that my friend is called living amongst a family that includes a bully.
Bit of an odd one, right? You’re probably thinking why on earth is this girl choosing to publish this into the world, especially as everyone is so judgy and quick to criticise. But hey ho, I’ve dealt with enough name calling and body shaming and what not to last a life time. So go ahead, think what you like.
Family’s are tough, I bet some of us wish we got to choose our own. I’m lucky enough to say I have such a loving family who I would do anything for, apart from one person. For years, and I mean YEARS I have put up with the most selfish, manipulative, and nasty person I know. And yes this all sounds dramatic, and I’m probably going to be looked at as the bad guy, or the one playing the victim, but quite frankly, I’m done caring.
When you constantly get called fat, a slut, a whore, a bitch, a looser, an embarrassment, when you get told to kill yourself, or to cut your wrists, when your spat on, when your just mentally abused. Sometimes you actually question, am I those things? Is it true? There have been so many times where I’ve locked myself in my bedroom and sat on the edge of my bed, crying, feeling emotionally drained, feeling worthless. Sometimes I’ve felt scared going outside, or even being in my own home. Have you ever had that awful sick feeling of having to constantly look over your shoulder. Ha. Tay stop that.
So what do my other family members think? What do they do about it? To be honest, I don’t really know. To some extent I understand not much can be done, some just want to keep the piece, some don’t really wanna know, some don’t know what to do, I think some just tolerate this person for the sake of no drama, but there are times where I get SO MAD at how nothing changes. Why is nothing done? Why are they allowing this person to treat me like this? Do they care? But the truth is, what can I expect them to do, it’s there family too.
I bet your thinking, what’s my point in writing this? I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I wanted to share a side of my life that’s not all fancy blogger events, Instagram photos and freebies. Behind all of that is my real life, one that hasn’t been so happy and full of smiles. If anything, it’s full of anxiety and stress. I’m still learning to be strong, brave. I don’t want to be pretend that I’ve got my life together. I wanted to write about something real.
Yanno looking back on the past couple of years, I actually feel sorry for this person I’m writing about, because one day they’re going to wake up all alone with nothing, with no-one, and it’ll be too late for sorries.
There comes a time when enough is enough. I deserve better. This is the LAST time I allow you to make me feel small. I will wipe away those silly tears. Just because you share the same blood with someone, doesn’t mean you have to have anything to do with them? I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to realise this. I wish I realised sooner. Actually, no I don’t, it’s made me stronger.
I know I may get some back lash for this, but why kick a girl down when all she’s doing is letting off some steam and assuring those out there who have been putting up with some kind of dickhead throughout there life – things get better, if you let it.
Moral of the story. Blood doesn’t mean anything. If they don’t treat you right, leave. Thank you for letting me rant. From now on, I’m going to live my life like the boss bitch I am.